Nic Getkate

LinkedIn. The Ultimate Dick Measuring Contest.

I posted this to my Medium page way back in October of 2018. Decided to make its new home here.

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Oh the joys of irony, but the truth of the matter is that I’m really in the mood to troll a few certain individuals in the process, so I’ll add some insult to injury just for shits and gigs.

During my short stay at university, like many other students, I was told that LinkedIn is the “future of networking and finding jobs” and that everyone should have a LinkedIn account. I have “maintained” (I use that word very sparingly) a profile and I use it as one of my many channels where I share my writing, yet I completely find it insufferable and absolute cancer.

It’s just that same fake-optimism in every post that you scroll through, vague and unclear “how-to-be-successful” articles, the overuse of buzzwords, the endless amount of graduates in the academic robes (congratulations by the way), and lastly just the sheer number of people trying to sell me shit.

Okay, I’m being incredibly cynical AF about this, but let’s just be realistic here, maybe it’s just me wanting a bit of realism in a world filled by the likes of people who favor self-validation over building mutually beneficial relationships. By the way, that's the point of LinkedIn and I’ll say it again……Mutually Beneficial Relationships.

Maintaining your LinkedIn account is the equivalent to wiping your rear behind with a cheese grater. To use Seinfeld terminology, LinkedIn feels a little like the Bizarro of Facebook, where instead of births and engagements people publicize their “micro-actions” and “thought leadership”. It’s fucking terrible and is a hellscape of self-validation that would make Facebook and Instagram users froth by the mouth out of sheer jealousy.

Nearly every single post by a recruiter is a copypaste of their experiences with a candidate with so-and-so skills and how much they love their job, or a fresh graduate in an academic robe making some massively cringeworthy humble brag, thanking every single Tom, Dick, and Harry. Bitch please, we know that now because you graduated, you’re unemployed as fuck and have a massive student loan debt on your shoulders. It’s all just an endless cycle of jerking one’s self off and having a big circle jerk for the world to see. Stop, just stop.

Rant done, Cheers.


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